you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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