IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
