My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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