I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
