I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
