HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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