I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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