I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
