Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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