Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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