So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
