I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
