I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
