If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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