Already got asked if we're dating
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
