No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
