...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
