Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
