there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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