I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
