The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are we still banned from the library?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
