I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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