my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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