the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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