I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
