In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
