i think my mom watched the whole time
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
