You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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