He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
