im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
