My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
