I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
please come you make the beer taste better
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
