im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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