I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
