before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
