Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
