I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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