the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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