Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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