I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
