when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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