Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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