god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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