Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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