Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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