I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
