I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
