So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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