no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
