Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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